Emotional Bank Account

This is an expression that Covey coined to use as a metaphor to help us understand how the paradigm of effectiveness works. This is a metaphor we can all relate to, because we all have to deal with money.

The bank account represents the “heart’ of a person with whom we have relationships. Deposits are acts of kindness, courtesies, keeping promises, clearing expectations, being loyal to those who are absent, apologizing, listening, etc. Withdrawals are the opposite: acts of unkindness, discourtesies, breaking promises, not clearing expectations, disloyalty, duplicity, pride, conceit, arrogance, dismissing, ignoring, etc. When we take care of those who take care of us, we are depositing. When we do not take care of those who take care of us, we are withdrawing. This metaphor applies to all those who we meet for the first time or have known for the longest.

When we make a lot of “deposits,” even if we were to make a large “withdrawal” the person will forgive us because there is enough to cover the ‘withdrawal.’ However, when we make to many ‘withdrawals,’ it will come to pass that we will be overdrawn. At this point the relationship may need several big deposits to make reconciliation possible.

Sincerity of motive makes the deposit bigger. If we are not sincere the deposits may become withdrawals as people may feel manipulated. When people feel manipulated they grow cynical and distrustful; which in turn may feel as withdrawals to you. As Covey says, “In relationships the little things are the big things.”